Answer Hate with Love

I am daily reminded about kindness and love from my friends on Twitter. This love is a driving force for me. It has given me the opportunity to revisit the principles I have learned in dealing with negative people. Verbal abuse is never OK, but answering with love can change people and their views.

1.      Don’t stoop down to their level. If they are shouting and screaming, don’t do the same. Personally I shut down and don’t listen when someone is yelling at me.

2.     Talk in slow clam voice. Usually the person yelling wants to get into a verbal battle to prove their point. If you talk slowly and quietly you can bring them to your level.

3.      Ask questions. Don’t just accept “because that’s what I believe.” Follow it with “Why do you believe that…” Make them verbalize exactly why they believe that particular way. When a person is challenged in this fashion they start to question themselves as to their beliefs.

4.      Use compassionate listening. Focus on their words and not your response. Sometimes people just want to be heard. Realize that when a person is upset and lashing out they are in need of help, they are hurting.

5.     When given the chance express your thoughts in a calm and rational manner. Use specific and reasonable information that supports your view. A person is more likely to gain understanding if your view makes sense. 

6.     At the end of the day sometimes we have to agree to disagree and this is OK, but we never have to accept verbal abuse.

This is an example of one of my experiences with a student. The student would regularly verbally assault me. They would string together numerous vulgar adjectives to try and upset me. On one occasion they repeatedly kept shouting “YOU’RE A SON OF A BITCH” over and over again. At which time I calmly said “I really don’t like you addressing my deceased mother that way.” His response (yelling) was “I’m not talking about her, I’m talking about you.” I then had the opportunity to reteach this student about the English language. At the end of this conversation he calmly asked me what was my mother’s occupation was before she died. Later, throughout that year this student would turn to me and smile and say, “you, son of a seamstress.”

Love can win some battles.